Entered the Telegram app today and saw that she has changed her profile picture from us to her selfie as well as removing our couple pictures..
guess she is really moving on, kinda glad but at the same time kinda sad but i guess its good
I got sad after accessing Telegram and coming across the above, i think i am sad because to me; Telegram is like a "special" app for me as i only use it to chat with her everyday, then some feelings are attached to that thought, and seeing her profile pic being changed just kinda makes me sad
and before these, i always access Telegram and just see if she changed her profile pic, this time it happened
and i have been checking a lot on her fb profile, seeing her status, its "single" now. but also like the above, hope she gets attached then i would feel glad but sad at the same time
but i really hope she finds a good guy :)
edit: i changed and removed our Telegram couple pics too.. I feel she has moved on and so should i.. though I said I planned to leave our first ever couple pic as my profile pic in Telegram.. think that was what I was feeling at that time.. I was feeling hope.. but in denial too.. now its really time to move on but it feels so painful..
Monday, June 20, 2022
Saturday, June 11, 2022
Tough past few days/weeks
Last few days/weeks was very tough
Had to return to work on 24th May right after a break up the night before
But through out all these tandrums or fits I threw.. guess who tolerated them.. My parents.. I swear to God, my parents are the best.. My sister did check up on how I was feeling, my sister is also the best!
I really cant stop thanking them and forever cant repay them for how endlessly nice they are to me..
Anyway I am recovering well I guess (at days i would wake up feeling sad then feeling happy after that, at days I would feel the opposite).. She told me to stop messaging her for a month on 8th June 2022, around evening time, i said okie.. bye bye.. She did not reply that message..
But the night itself around 1030pm, she whatsapp me saying "goodnight Malcolm, rest well, don't worry about me :)", I did not see that message as I slept around 10pm..
I woke up in the morning and I saw that message from her, feeling perplexed as I thought she didnt want me to message her but she message me, I just reacted to her message with a thumbs up..
As of now, life has been messy, but thank god work is more or less okie, my family and me are adjusting well to this new place we moved in, still unpacking here and there, planning to sell some stuff on Carousell.. But every time i see the pool table in the living room, my heart sinks a little, I remember telling her I plan to sell the pool table before moving house months ago, she said "huh why sell? next time can move into our new house then we can play" she said with such enthusiasm and happiness.. well, our future as a couple tgt is gone..
Had to return to work on 24th May right after a break up the night before
But through out all these tandrums or fits I threw.. guess who tolerated them.. My parents.. I swear to God, my parents are the best.. My sister did check up on how I was feeling, my sister is also the best!
I really cant stop thanking them and forever cant repay them for how endlessly nice they are to me..
Anyway I am recovering well I guess (at days i would wake up feeling sad then feeling happy after that, at days I would feel the opposite).. She told me to stop messaging her for a month on 8th June 2022, around evening time, i said okie.. bye bye.. She did not reply that message..
But the night itself around 1030pm, she whatsapp me saying "goodnight Malcolm, rest well, don't worry about me :)", I did not see that message as I slept around 10pm..
I woke up in the morning and I saw that message from her, feeling perplexed as I thought she didnt want me to message her but she message me, I just reacted to her message with a thumbs up..
As of now, life has been messy, but thank god work is more or less okie, my family and me are adjusting well to this new place we moved in, still unpacking here and there, planning to sell some stuff on Carousell.. But every time i see the pool table in the living room, my heart sinks a little, I remember telling her I plan to sell the pool table before moving house months ago, she said "huh why sell? next time can move into our new house then we can play" she said with such enthusiasm and happiness.. well, our future as a couple tgt is gone..
Tuesday, June 7, 2022
I am back (again)
Hey
I found my back my blog after a long time..
Fast forward from Dec 2010, I have (not in sequence):
-Not only completed NS but I have finished my reservist (finished officially on 23rd Feb 2022)!
-I have entered into adult life and started working (after NS I worked at ST Synergy for a year before joining SP and have never looked back since)
-Picked up running as a hobby!
Anyway.. I was in a r.s from 31st Aug 2018 till 23rd May 2022.. It was my longest and most passionate r.s ever.
She was certainly special (she's smart, cute, manje, sweet, etc) but we knew we are having a huge hurdle in the r.s (I am a non-muslim and she is a muslim).. we did occasionally talk about our future in the religious aspect but it wasn't much (I talked about wanting to convert to Islam). Fast forward from 31st Aug 2018 to around 3rd week of March 2022 i think, she brought up the topic of her brother and uncle adamantly wanting me to Sunat (circumcision). I was surprised but at the same time, kinda know that I have to do it. It took me a week to change my mind, I decided I am ok to do a circumcision. I told her the week after, she said ok, then i asked if her uncle have any other demands, which i then apologised and say if her uncle have any other expectations, she said yes. I was shocked. She said I have to learn and recite a couple of verses form the Quran. At the same time, the most heavy news I heard for this r.s is that the uncle feels i am insincere in this r.s he feels i should have converted 1 or 2 years into the r.s. This was devastating news.
It also took me a week to change my mind, I learnt the Ayatul Kursi and was planning to learn more. And the next week after (on the 2nd April, we went out on our usual date), we were "defeated" in our minds, we feel we cannot overcome this hurdle (my conversion and Sunat, along with the other stuff to adapt and practise and not only the things on my end, she needs her relatives to accept me as a convert) we broke down and cried at some stone benches at Tanjong Pagar, I gave up, my mind was defeated, i told her "I think we are done.. yes, we are done". She pleaded with the most heart breaking "no..." ever.. She promised she will try to convince her uncle that I am sincere in this r.s. I said ok, to be honest i might have high hopes for myself.
Weeks past and we only met for dinner, unlike our usual dates where we would meet at near noon then go enjoy ourselves for lunch and hanging out at cafes then have dinner (this is due to her fasting). And i forgot to mention it was near the last week of Nov 2021 where me and my family received news that our application for wanting to move into another house, was successful. My mom wanted to downgrade the house from a big one to a small one (more manageable to maintain). So anyway, me and gf met lesser and lesser as i was busy with helping to move the house (truck loads of moving stuff). She also said she is picking up musical programs to do on Saturdays so she cant meet on our usual Saturdates, she also mentioned her work schedule is bad, she cant have lunch, and her mom is now returning to work at May 2022, so gf would meet her mom for dinner at times, so me and gf cannot meet much for dinner after work.
I immediately felt something was amissed, so i asked her if there is something i should know, she said no. weeks past and I elaborated if there is something i should know and apologised in advanced if there is indeed nothing going on (basically accusing her if there is nothing going on). She confessed, saying that her uncle didnt accept the idea of me as a family member (I was forced out of the r.s due to religion). I was very heart broken as i felt i was doing enough to be a family member, i even wanted to do more. but it was to no avail.
I was heart broken again, she said she dont see this (this r.s) going anywhere, and elaborated on stuff, I understood, I asked her if she wants to end this via Telegram or likek face to face (I felt face to face would have been most sincere), she said she cant do face to face so we ended it on Telegram, I cried my heart out and couldnt sleep much that night. same went for her. Our relationship ended on 23rd May 2022, 1,358 days in total.
We went to work as per usual the next day, and during the day, we met at the usual spot where we used to meet to talk at work, she hugged me and cried plenty, I held up a brave front and did not cry, she said, I was holding up so well. But deep in my heart I was torn to shreds. we went back to work.
A week later we had dinner at AMK Hub, i sent her home as normal, she asked me if i wanted to see her mom. I said yes. The whole vibe and our swelled up eyes make things very obviously and her mom came to the gate (I was standing outside with her), her mom probably felt very bad for me and hugged me, I cried my lungs out. She said "Auntie sayang you" repeatedly while i cried and cried. gf stood at the side and cried too. we 3 did a group hug. I then went into her house and sat for awhile.
Her mom showed me photos of her when she was dating a chinese guy, it was the same ending as me and gf's. her mom and that chinese guy's r.s did not work out. while talking to her mom, gf held my hand. It was the last time we held hands. Then i said i was gonna make a move (going home), i stood at the gate for what seems to be the longest time, and i walked off. That was the last time i walked off that coridoor.
After that she messaged me saying that not to ignore her and forget her, she also said she promised to make things work (to try and convince her uncle). I said ok and i thanked her as well as assuring her that i will never ignore and forget her.
the next few days was very rough, we dicussed about her promising to make things work but at the same time, she said if we have potential partners, we should go for it. I was disheartened as this would contradict what she said earlier. it doesnt make sense for her to promise to make things work for US, then added if we have potential partners coming, then we go with them instead. I asked if this (going with potential partner plan) can be on hold, she asked on hold for how long, this disheartened me too (basically this shows she wanna move on already). She added she can wait for maybe a month or 2. I then used a more firm tone on her to ensure things would be clearer as she also didnt wanted me to have a talk with her uncle personally (I really do feel this have a higher chance of working things out) but she flat out refused many times. many things are uncleared at the time, at times when i asked her about serious situations for this r.s she would froze and just keep quiet.
days led to other days where she would say the same thing, she promised to work things out but at the same time if we have potential partners, we go for it. I couldn't take it anymore. I sent her a barrage of messages saying things like she is a little in denial for wanting a Chinese partner but at the same time, ignoring the importants things that come with the r.s (the non muslim have to convert and adapt and the muslim's family have to accept the convert) and bombarded her with messages also saying that I feel she didnt doing much on her end to make things work, also chimed in on me and my family member's talk about this break up and their opinions.
I indicated to her that its ok to send short replies and she said replies such as "okay", "sure". Fair enough, I continued with saying stuff like thanking her for the happy moments but she didnt read my messages.
I am not sure what the days will bring.. but i am heart broken now
Fast forward from Dec 2010, I have (not in sequence):
-Not only completed NS but I have finished my reservist (finished officially on 23rd Feb 2022)!
-I have entered into adult life and started working (after NS I worked at ST Synergy for a year before joining SP and have never looked back since)
-Picked up running as a hobby!
Anyway.. I was in a r.s from 31st Aug 2018 till 23rd May 2022.. It was my longest and most passionate r.s ever.
She was certainly special (she's smart, cute, manje, sweet, etc) but we knew we are having a huge hurdle in the r.s (I am a non-muslim and she is a muslim).. we did occasionally talk about our future in the religious aspect but it wasn't much (I talked about wanting to convert to Islam). Fast forward from 31st Aug 2018 to around 3rd week of March 2022 i think, she brought up the topic of her brother and uncle adamantly wanting me to Sunat (circumcision). I was surprised but at the same time, kinda know that I have to do it. It took me a week to change my mind, I decided I am ok to do a circumcision. I told her the week after, she said ok, then i asked if her uncle have any other demands, which i then apologised and say if her uncle have any other expectations, she said yes. I was shocked. She said I have to learn and recite a couple of verses form the Quran. At the same time, the most heavy news I heard for this r.s is that the uncle feels i am insincere in this r.s he feels i should have converted 1 or 2 years into the r.s. This was devastating news.
It also took me a week to change my mind, I learnt the Ayatul Kursi and was planning to learn more. And the next week after (on the 2nd April, we went out on our usual date), we were "defeated" in our minds, we feel we cannot overcome this hurdle (my conversion and Sunat, along with the other stuff to adapt and practise and not only the things on my end, she needs her relatives to accept me as a convert) we broke down and cried at some stone benches at Tanjong Pagar, I gave up, my mind was defeated, i told her "I think we are done.. yes, we are done". She pleaded with the most heart breaking "no..." ever.. She promised she will try to convince her uncle that I am sincere in this r.s. I said ok, to be honest i might have high hopes for myself.
Weeks past and we only met for dinner, unlike our usual dates where we would meet at near noon then go enjoy ourselves for lunch and hanging out at cafes then have dinner (this is due to her fasting). And i forgot to mention it was near the last week of Nov 2021 where me and my family received news that our application for wanting to move into another house, was successful. My mom wanted to downgrade the house from a big one to a small one (more manageable to maintain). So anyway, me and gf met lesser and lesser as i was busy with helping to move the house (truck loads of moving stuff). She also said she is picking up musical programs to do on Saturdays so she cant meet on our usual Saturdates, she also mentioned her work schedule is bad, she cant have lunch, and her mom is now returning to work at May 2022, so gf would meet her mom for dinner at times, so me and gf cannot meet much for dinner after work.
I immediately felt something was amissed, so i asked her if there is something i should know, she said no. weeks past and I elaborated if there is something i should know and apologised in advanced if there is indeed nothing going on (basically accusing her if there is nothing going on). She confessed, saying that her uncle didnt accept the idea of me as a family member (I was forced out of the r.s due to religion). I was very heart broken as i felt i was doing enough to be a family member, i even wanted to do more. but it was to no avail.
I was heart broken again, she said she dont see this (this r.s) going anywhere, and elaborated on stuff, I understood, I asked her if she wants to end this via Telegram or likek face to face (I felt face to face would have been most sincere), she said she cant do face to face so we ended it on Telegram, I cried my heart out and couldnt sleep much that night. same went for her. Our relationship ended on 23rd May 2022, 1,358 days in total.
We went to work as per usual the next day, and during the day, we met at the usual spot where we used to meet to talk at work, she hugged me and cried plenty, I held up a brave front and did not cry, she said, I was holding up so well. But deep in my heart I was torn to shreds. we went back to work.
A week later we had dinner at AMK Hub, i sent her home as normal, she asked me if i wanted to see her mom. I said yes. The whole vibe and our swelled up eyes make things very obviously and her mom came to the gate (I was standing outside with her), her mom probably felt very bad for me and hugged me, I cried my lungs out. She said "Auntie sayang you" repeatedly while i cried and cried. gf stood at the side and cried too. we 3 did a group hug. I then went into her house and sat for awhile.
Her mom showed me photos of her when she was dating a chinese guy, it was the same ending as me and gf's. her mom and that chinese guy's r.s did not work out. while talking to her mom, gf held my hand. It was the last time we held hands. Then i said i was gonna make a move (going home), i stood at the gate for what seems to be the longest time, and i walked off. That was the last time i walked off that coridoor.
After that she messaged me saying that not to ignore her and forget her, she also said she promised to make things work (to try and convince her uncle). I said ok and i thanked her as well as assuring her that i will never ignore and forget her.
the next few days was very rough, we dicussed about her promising to make things work but at the same time, she said if we have potential partners, we should go for it. I was disheartened as this would contradict what she said earlier. it doesnt make sense for her to promise to make things work for US, then added if we have potential partners coming, then we go with them instead. I asked if this (going with potential partner plan) can be on hold, she asked on hold for how long, this disheartened me too (basically this shows she wanna move on already). She added she can wait for maybe a month or 2. I then used a more firm tone on her to ensure things would be clearer as she also didnt wanted me to have a talk with her uncle personally (I really do feel this have a higher chance of working things out) but she flat out refused many times. many things are uncleared at the time, at times when i asked her about serious situations for this r.s she would froze and just keep quiet.
days led to other days where she would say the same thing, she promised to work things out but at the same time if we have potential partners, we go for it. I couldn't take it anymore. I sent her a barrage of messages saying things like she is a little in denial for wanting a Chinese partner but at the same time, ignoring the importants things that come with the r.s (the non muslim have to convert and adapt and the muslim's family have to accept the convert) and bombarded her with messages also saying that I feel she didnt doing much on her end to make things work, also chimed in on me and my family member's talk about this break up and their opinions.
I indicated to her that its ok to send short replies and she said replies such as "okay", "sure". Fair enough, I continued with saying stuff like thanking her for the happy moments but she didnt read my messages.
I am not sure what the days will bring.. but i am heart broken now
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